Fostering resiliance in the KATs

Quote from here

Term two is in full swing in the house of KATcapers.  Oldest KAT is in year 7 and Middle KAT in Year 5 so that also means we have NAPLAN hanging over our heads.

Each time we've gone through this we get the blurb from the school reminding us that the children shouldn't feel stressed or anxious about NAPLAN. 

Heeeeelllo!  What parallel universe do these teachers live in! Oh and can I join them there!?

There's simply no getting away from this locomotive as it steams down the track towards them!! Regardless of Saint Mike and I keeping the focus off it at home, there is more than enough discussion about it amongst their peers and at school generally.

Oldest KAT is not anxious about it.  She's more concerned with the assessments she's undergoing for subjects like Science, History and Design & Technology which is all new to her!  She is going from strength to strength academically and reading, writing and arithmetic is like breathing to her.

Middle KAT on the other hand is a different kettle of fish.  Year 5 is truly turning into an emotional year for her.  She's had the usual surge of hormones (and feet growth) that signals her commencing her passage into young womanhood and this makes for an emotional time whenever any hurdle presents itself.  Unfortunately, schoolwork is a hurdle that is not getting any easier.

Her ability to focus (or lack thereof) has always been a source of worry for us.  ADHD is an acronym that we've toyed with over the years and even had her tested to see if there was anything that needed to be diagnosed.  Our concern has never been about behaviour as she's not disruptive, it's more to do with the feeling that she can lack focus and be "off with the pixies" which affects her learning.

How funny then that just when we're preparing for these weeks of high tension in our house I received an email from Allison wanting to know if I'd be interested in sharing the following information from OnlinePsychologyDegree.net:


For better or worse we're past the point of implementing this advice for toddlers and babies but I think it's got real merit in terms of the way we are trying to raise our KATs to be resilient and equipped to be emotionally mature, independent young people ready to take on the world in whatever way, shape or form their hearts and minds tell them to!

Saint Mike and I make a good team when it comes to adopting stretegies to help get the best out of our KATs.  I'm really lucky that way! For example we decided that we really needed to curb the amount of TV viewing and general screen time that's been going on in our house.  This chart talks about it for babies but it's soooo much harder when they can verbally complain about the no TV or games during the school week!!!

I'd love to know what you think of these pointers?  Do you prescribe to this approach or are following a different one?

Doing a few laps in the pool of self-congratulation

I have learnt as a mother that things don't usually go to plan.

I probably should have learnt this particular life lesson well before having children, but having arrived at the parenting caper without this particular skill I have spent a fair amount of time attempting to feel comfortable in the "shit that really went to hell in a hand basket" zone!

Yesterday however, was one of those sunshiny parenting days where things managed to go off without a hitch.

I had Saturday to get ready for the birthday extravaganza we had organized for our Middle KAT on Sunday (note to self - plan any future parties for a Sunday and block no commitments Saturday to prepare as it really is great for not losing your mind).

Sunday morning I managed to get all the final "details" sorted with time to shower and do a passable impression of "self grooming".  I had the able assistance of my production co ordinator, Saint Mike and we managed to get kids, food, gear, decorations and all the other bits and pieces (including the KATs) loaded into the car and to the venue with our sanity completely intact and enjoying the ride!

I didn't lose the plot.....not even ONCE which is unheard of, I didn't exhibit too much extreme control enthusiast behavior and the party went off without a hitch. 

Even better than a very happy birthday girl was a very happy birthday mother who managed to get her 'table scaping' just about perfect and even managed to get photographic evidence of it.....

Channeling Tracy...or not!

The movie Election would be one of my favourite films.  I've always had a thing for Matthew Broderick and I am a big admirer of the talented Ms Witherspoon...she seems like a pretty ballsy chick.

We're in the midst of a bit of an election in our house.  Our oldest KAT had to prepare a speech for the school to convince them that she would make a great school captain.  As it's only a small school (19 of them will be in Year 6 next year) they all get to make a speech as the teachers and principal consider it a great opportunity to practise their public speaking and talk about their strengths.

I have been preparing myself all year for this event. 

Practising being magnanimous. 

Practising the "I don't care face". 

Practising the "Primary school is such a small part of your life" speech

............all in preparation for the eventual outcome that our gorgeous, intelligent, caring, generous, girl probably won't get the gig.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not being defeatist.  I'm being a realist and a pragmatist (quite unusual for me I might add!!!).  The reality is that if it's a popularity contest, our Oldest KAT wouldn't win...she's spent most of her school years on the outer and struggled at times to 'fit in'. 

She's her own person.  She doesn't go with the crowd and she's certainly no Queen Bee! 

I should also mention that her only resemblence to Ms. Flick is her intelligence and beauty...perhaps by Year 12 she may have her single-minded ambition!!

If it's decided by the principal and the teachers I'm sure she'll get a mention.  But if they have half a brain (and I know they do) they will not put this pressure on her as they know that it will only add to the weight of pressure she puts on herself and may bring out elements of her personality (the bossy bits) that we are working to tone down...not fuel!

In the unlikely event that she is chosen we will be suitably proud of her and totally supportive.  I have just reached the point though where I think it's best for her to NOT have this honour and deal with the possible thought in future years "was that my high point" (though I think she has it in her to be Prime Minister if the truth be known :))

I can also confidently say that I have no need to validate myself as a mother by geeing her on to get this job....I know I'm a great mum (and can also be a complete and utter psycho nut-case) and NOT getting school captain is not a vehicle I have ever coveted to reinforce my position in the world!

My only hope is that it goes to one of the quiet achievers in the class and not to one of the "shiny" kids....you know the ones, parents that hang with the 'right' crowd, always appearing to be cruising through life in the 'easy' lane.  I don't suffer fools gladly and if one of those smug little princesses (okay get a grip Elizabeth) gets the gig I may have to sit on my hands to stop from gagging!!!!! 

Oh, Oh....I think I need to practice the magnanimous face again!!!!

Putting Mum In Her Box

Undelivered note found on our Oldest KATs bookshelf.  Relates to an incident (one of many this week) where I refused to provide answers to her homework...instead suggesting she employ the power of Google to research the topic herself!


Dear Mum,

I should be able to get help from my mother, I need help and your reason not to help me is IRRELEVANT.

WHY WON'T YOU HELP ME!!!!!

I am not talking to you!!!!!

K

P.S. You scrunched up my homework!

Lessons to be learnt from this missive to me from our oldest KAT:

1. She needs a refresher on the perils of excessive use of exclamation marks
2. Her overuse of above mentioned exclamation marks indicates a strong genetic link to her mother!!!!!
3. Her future as a barrister is looking brighter every day :)
4. She has mastered the art of the 'persuasive text'....what's next when you're 11?
5. I am so going to get revenge when she has her own children and tells them to 'google it' (or the technological equivalent at that time)
6. Hang on why wait til then, I'll be whipping out this palm card (what the above was written on) at her 21st!

Have a great weekend :)

Good Cop Bad Cop

SM arrived back Sunday morning. 

I was so relieved to see him that I embarrassed myself and got all teary when he came out through Customs and we got our hands on him. 

The KATs were soooo excited that they insisted on buying helium balloons to give to him...the lady in the shop felt so sorry for me spending so much money on the stupid things she gave me a free bunch of roses!!

Anyway, back to the bawling...yes, after the girls excitedly gave him a big cuddle I got a big bear hug and lost the plot...standing there sniffling and telling him how much I missed him!  For the record that has NEVER happened before!  I'm putting it down to being carb-deprived :)

He's naturally struggling with jet lag.  It really sucks having to cross so many time zones...nothing compares with the bone-weariness that you feel when you travel for 23hrs straight!!!

I on the other hand are struggling with letting go of being BOTH parents and switching back to my 'natural' predisposition of 'Good Cop'.

It's illuminating when your partner comes home (Posie I'd be interested in your view here) that you have to adjust your parenting to accomodate the need to have both of your onboard with decision making and the like. 

It had only taken a couple of weeks for me to get used to making decisions without consulting him with respect to our daily activities...and the minute he got back it was an immediate about face....I have to take into consideration what he thinks!!!!

Interestingly it has also highlighted the fact that as far as the girls are concerned, daddy isn't as much of a funster as mummy is (ha ha).  Mum is spontaneous, mum is willing to do crazy stuff....dad on the other hand (jet lag or no jet lag) is a little more staid!

I can definitely be the 'bad cop' when I want to be...my neighbors can all attest to my ability to read the riot act...but I've realized that my preferred modus operandi is to be the 'good cop'...to chill out and go with the flow.

Unfortunately as we all know, being a parent involves switching between the two on a regular basis...so I shall suck it up and ensure that I don't let my good cop tendencies get too comfy!!  It is nice though to have SM back home to pick up the slack in the bad cop department.

How do you manage the good cop/bad cop switcheroo in your household??

image from here

Our Oldest KAT - The Crash Test Dummy

Nature versus nurture?

If ever there was a perfect study for this debate, our oldest is it.  She is cursed with being the oldest which makes her our very own crash test dummy. 

Her eleventh birthday is looming and she is blossoming in front of our eyes.  She is bright, inquisitive, loving and an excellent conversationalist.  She is personable and empathetic.

She tells people that her aspiration in life is to be a historical novelist and own a fromagerie.

She wears her heart on her sleeve just like her mama and will be useless at card games as she is completely lacking a poker face.

We adore her.  But I also worry about her endlessly.  This may be the lot of a mother but for me it sometimes feels like it's all I do in regards to her.

You see she has what one might benignly describe as anxiety issues. 

A less tactful person may describe her as a completely neurotic psycho who drains her mother of her energy with the amount of 'worry' that she finds in the pursuit of daily life. 

As her mother, I naturally blame myself for her boundless anxiety levels and often ponder what I have done to 'nurture' this creature who still sucks her thumb going on 11 and on a bi-monthly basis has anxiety attacks about sleeping alone in her bedroom and has had one successful sleepover in her primary years to date.

Who knows if it was my overenthusiastic applications of the 'sleep nazi' techniques that I had assiduously learnt from an applied study of the Robyn Barker baby book. 

In retrospect, this could be one of those 'nurture' moments where mummy insisting that she go to bed and leaving her all alone in her bedroom in that enormous cot may have created insecurities virtually out of the womb.

Or maybe the toddler years...where still getting used to life with one child (her) we introduced another one into the mix who happened to hate sleep and refused to co operate with any of my well practiced settling techniques. 

I seem to recall being veeeeeery unhappy and overwhelmed...memories a bit vague as I did get diagnosed with post-natal depression and ended up on the happy drugs which helped immensely.

Was it during this phase that the anxieties bent started developing...pyscho mummy,  no one in charge of the plane...pilot asleep at the controls...oh oh!!

I'm buggered if I know.  We love her dearly, I just wish she would take a chill pill every now and then :)

Is it just me or are all oldest children neurotic...even if slightly less than mine?