Thursday, May 29, 2014

Finding the Phenomenal Woman Inside

I caught up with a lovely friend this week. She is an amazing woman. We met when I embarked on my first foray into Ocean Swimming with CanToo.



I struggled terribly with the dreaded Imposter Syndrome and although unaware of this she buoyed my confidence that year simply by being her lovely self - warm, encouraging and inclusive. She swam beside me and although I know she thought it was me helping her, it was really the other way round!

The following year I returned despite knowing that I was carrying even more weight both physically and psychologically than my first year. I shouldn't have put myself through the program. It wasn't being kind to myself. It was certainly not the confidence building experience of the first time. I stumbled towards the goal swim isolated from my team and although I raised my required funds, I chose to swim on my own the day of the Cole because I was so ashamed at my perceived failure.

As I stood alone in the crowd of people milling around awaiting our "wave", Lizzie stumbled upon me. We agreed to swim together. I knew that this meant Lizzie would not swim to her own pace. I knew she was forsaking a better time to stay with me. I will always be grateful for her compassion and kindness.

The day after we caught up she sent me the shots from the swim photographer. They transported me. How lost I felt. How much I was struggling. How much has happened since.

I'm not this person anymore. I'm different in so many ways. But I still have my friendship with this special person.

I am so fortunate to have people like Lizzie in my life.




Monday, May 19, 2014

I'm still here!


I know I've been MIA! Sorry. Sorry. Sorry!

My mother pointed out to me this week that I haven't updated my blog of late. No excuse really. Just simply a feeling that I can't quite overcome that anything I say here is a bit redundant.

It's hard to explain but it's got something to do with a pervasive feeling that I've got nothing much left to say here....I'm alive. I'm on the road to recovery. I don't feel great but I don't want to be a whiner!!

Emerging from the other side of my treatment has been and continues to be a challenge. The world and my place in it is different. I just haven't worked out how to work with that "different".

I'm feeling much healthier. My wounds are healing - the physical and the mental ones. My KAT's are also recovering. Less fragile and more secure. Saint Mike is also starting to relax!  

I smile broadly and my smile is genuine. I am happy to be alive.

If I'm absent for a while longer forgive me. If you aren't related to me and still check in here I thank you for your interest! 





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