Being 'happy forever'

With each passing day I'm getting back on my feet. It's a slow process and at times frustrating. Poor Saint Mike knows when I'm really pushing myself too hard as I invariably end up snapping at him. That Sainthood is really knocking hard on his door!

I'm at my happiest when I get my creative on. This weekend I was executing the event styling for a 40th birthday for a very dear friend. It was just what I needed.

We had agreed on a similar scheme to the natural textures used at a few other events I've styled but because it was for my friend we also needed some femininity thrown in so we went with gold and I incorporated some foliage to up the ante.

I re used the cloths I made early in the year for a school function but the table needed something else so I went with a DIY doily table runner. A couple of trips to the local charity stores and I had the makings of a perfectly proportioned runner made up of assorted doilies to lay across the tables.

I decorated the room with my rustic bunting and upped the bling factor by making a garland with some  cardboard and bronze/gold adhesive paper cut into disks and then sewn into a garland...so easy it's ridiculous! Looked really effective.

The girls had their fill of Heinz Baby puréed apple so I could use the jars as votive holders - gold washi tape and some sweet lace ribbon was all it took to make them shine.

It took a huge effort to set it up but I loved every moment and was thrilled that my gorgeous friend was able to see her space transformed into a magical dining room for her to enjoy her night.

Now if only I could manage to do event styling and get paid to do it I would "be happy forever" (fave expression used by the KATs).

I'm still here!

I know I've been MIA! Sorry. Sorry. Sorry!

My mother pointed out to me this week that I haven't updated my blog of late. No excuse really. Just simply a feeling that I can't quite overcome that anything I say here is a bit redundant.

It's hard to explain but it's got something to do with a pervasive feeling that I've got nothing much left to say here....I'm alive. I'm on the road to recovery. I don't feel great but I don't want to be a whiner!!

Emerging from the other side of my treatment has been and continues to be a challenge. The world and my place in it is different. I just haven't worked out how to work with that "different".

I'm feeling much healthier. My wounds are healing - the physical and the mental ones. My KAT's are also recovering. Less fragile and more secure. Saint Mike is also starting to relax!  

I smile broadly and my smile is genuine. I am happy to be alive.

If I'm absent for a while longer forgive me. If you aren't related to me and still check in here I thank you for your interest! 

Long Time Gone

As those cool Dixie Chicks' say I've been a long time gone!

 

It hasn't been a conscious thing, more a result of circumstance (health issues). Although I haven't been visible there has been a LOT going on behind the scenes!

Thankfully I have been surrounded by support from family and friends which has made a difficult few months much easier to manage.

 

Fortunately with the term coming to a close things are on the up and up! Last Friday we celebrated a family wedding and I was full of pride at my three gorgeous KATs.



Oldest KAT was a flowergirl (more Junior bridesmaid as she was as tall as the bridesmaids). Stunning is my only word....how did I produce such beauty?

On the DIY front I have had time to consider my new venture and have a little renaming in the wind...more news to follow! For now here are a couple of my projects to whet your appetite:

Picked this up locally...solid and in good nick and bonus is a matching "hutch" that sits on top. Thinking I'm going to paint it white and the back of the shelves in the hutch a pale blue. Knobs will be replaced and may find some map paper to line the drawers!

Does this picture piqué your interest? The metal baskets are popping up all over the place for varying amounts...I have three of them and have been admiring them in their rustic (rusty) form but have decided to give them an overhaul and use them as planters on the porch...photos to come:)

So that about covers it! Life is good, school holidays are beckoning and I've got heaps more energy!

Uptime and Downtime

 

Unlike previous school breaks these holidays have been free of any "organised" activity.

Instead spontaneity coupled with plenty of down time for all of us has been our modus operandi.

Youngest KAT is off to big school and these holidays have been about spending lots of time with her big sisters....annoying as that can sometimes be for each of them:)

Oldest KAT remains preoccupied with her elevation to high school and the natural apprehension that it brings.

Middle KAT has been practising her basketball skills in the evenings with daddy whilst I constructively critisize Saint Mike's coaching technique and play with the other two in the adjacent park.

Two weeks to go. Shopping done, labelling underway. The excitement for a new school year builds.

Balancing the Bumps with the Blessings

2012 was a mixed bag for me. On an individual level it was a year of stumbling. I want to say failing but I've done enough years of cognitive behaviour therapy/mindfulness training to know that's not helpful self-talk.

I don't mention these stumbles to dwell on them, it's merely to document:

1. My history of yo-yo dieting continues...the "yo" rebounded with a bang - all weight lost in 2011 regained. Not enough words to convey the self-loathing that's ensued.
2. Work was sporadic, a few good months to be followed by a hiatus when the stair tumble occurred and my confidence is now so low that I feel anxious just thinking about the prospect of ever working again.
3. Like many men his age, Saint Mike has been struggling with a minor mid-life crisis. Fortunately as the amazingly resilient bloke that he is the impact has been confined to our intimacy suffering a few low points but with focused attention all is well in that garden:)
4. Illness and injury were a factor in 2012 for me and also for family members. Sadly the end of the year meant the loss of my brother-in-law, leaving behind twin girls our middle KATs age which breaks my heart. Added to this my lovely mother-in-law is being wracked by the relentless progression of Parkinson's and my heart is heavy with the burden this puts on her.

Fortunately these challenges are outweighed by the blessings of my beautiful KATs and Saint Mike along with the pleasure and respite that comes from having constant contact with my amazing siblings and their partners and children and my lovely friends near and far that fill my heart with love.

 

1. Oldest KAT graduated from primary school receiving the Dux of the school award. It was a wonderful moment. She is apprehensive about high school but that is to be expected:)
2. Middle KAT is our very own sporting prodigy....she made the rep teams in both basketball and netball and is a very promising swimmer to boot. Even better she has emerged from year 4 as guileless and effervescent as she entered.
3. Youngest KAT amazes us with her maturity and intelligence...she is truly the 3rd child. We went to the pool yesterday and she was distraught to be without her flippers which we had assumed SHE would pack! We both agreed that this is typical of the high expectations we have for her at 5 compared to the other two who would no sooner have even got their towels out than pack their own goggles and flippers!! She is off to big school next year and my heart is heavy to lose our special times together.

The dawn of a New Year this time round is not about resolutions and turning over any new leaf. It is about being thankful for the blessings and moments of joy that I was fortunate to have in 2012 and being hopeful that these will continue into 2013.

 

I love my family and I am grateful to have these blessings.

 

weekend roundup

Oldest KAT enjoying a pain au chocolait on Saturday morning

Back from our jaunt to Melbourne.  It was the best of times and the worst of times.

The best because I spent extended uninterrupted time with Oldest KAT...my doppelganger, mini-me (all the best bits thankfully) and my oldest friend (and her husband who's also a pretty 'spesh' friend).

The worst because my arm throbbed in sync with the music and just generally ached like buggery!  It was a sign of how this was wearing thin with me when I spilt a drink on myself on the flight back and burst into tears!!!  Some unexpected but much appreciated TLC from the kind Qantas hosties made me feel much better...a pillow to support my arm and a few tissues were a much-needed salve for my frayed edges.

We were looked after by my oldest friend, who met her husband at the youth group through me (my one and only claim to fame in the match-making department).  She and I go back even further though, we have known each other since we were pre-schoolers (met a Kindy).  She knows me better than anyone and is personally acquainted with many of the skeletons in my closet!!

That's her on the left, me on the right and our other friend in the middle - College Ball circa 1990....how good do we look!!!

The Reunion Mass was great....I had an embarrassingly good time.  I sang my heart out. I remembered harmonies I haven't sung for over 20 years and at the supper afterwards time dissolved the intervening years as I laughed and chatted.  In the end I had to be dragged out by Oldest KAT as she was hungry and tired...so were retired for a good old Melbourne 'counter meal' (NSW readers will be shaking their heads at this term...think pub food!).

Practising before-hand.  I'm the tall one behind the boy in red...he's the sweet young son of an old choir friend.

At the supper we even got to watch ourselves on the screen as someone had a copy of the televised mass from about 1989 I think.

I'm standing next to the thoroughbred in pink....she also happens to be my younger sister!!!!  I captured this image just as the credits were appearing...all over my face (you get the picture though).

We sounded just as great at yesterdays Mass as we did 20 years ago....still got it!!!  A lady came up to me afterwards and said "I remember you, I used to come and listen to you every week...you used to be blonde didn't you"!!!!!!

Sigh...so young...so thin, so naturally blonde!!!!

The years I spent as part of the 5 O'Clock Group were formative in many ways - aside from the singing, the camaraderie, the spirituality, I met a boy who would become a long term boyfriend and eventually we'd become engaged only to agree to part 3 months before our wedding...sad but the best decision I ever made:)  I must post about that at some point!

"Hanging out" with the 'boy' in the presbytery kitchen!

A 15yr old me.

A great weekend.  A trip worth taking even with a bung arm:)  A chance to reconnect with people and a time that will always be special.  I was lucky to find my way to them and I'm lucky to have the chance to find my way back to them on occasions like this...to rediscover a 'me' that I'd forgotten to some extent.  A 'me' I'm proud of and that I can shed a tear that I didn't appreciate her when she was in her prime:)

Life's like that though isn't it.  Hindsight has 20-20 vision!

Grateful for my very own Mr Miyagi

Sssshhhh!  There's a master at work.

He's a very small, very intense man of Korean origins (so my Japanese Mr Miyagi joke is quite politically inappropriate!!!)

He's our tiler.

He's putting KATcapers out of our 4 weeks (yes that's right) without a bathroom misery.

Am I GRATEFUL for our little Korean wizard?  You betcha!  If he wasn't quite so humourless I'd be lavishing kisses all over his wizened little head!!!

Our bathroom is the ONE and ONLY bathroom in our house.  Being without it has been a chore (is that the biggest understatement in the history of the world...or at the very least KATcapers?)

I'm not blaming anyone, it's pointless pointing fingers (or knives, scissors, nail files or any other sharp implement I get my hands on).

It's been better just to smile in the style of the Virgin Mary (or slightly less religious smily people) and retain some dignity whilst I do my ablutions in the laundry tub whilst the United Nations of tradespeople traipse past me every day!

My ass has been dragging itself out of bed even earlier than is usual (for my walks) so I could get my gear and run out the door (I'm pretty excited about the prospect of running water on my head and not my hands) as I drive over the 'bridge' to the gym and after getting my walk in cherish the five minutes or so I can manage under the shower before dashing off to work.

Ah the joys of renovating:)

Grateful Saturday you have never been blessed with such a heartfelt utterance!!!!

The Magic of Tim

Last Saturday morning our family were part of a truly magical experience.

We had the absolute joy of being photographed by Tim Coulson.  Here is a few of the magical images he captured forever................

This is only a sample....if you want to you can check out the rest here.

Tim is just about the nicest, sweetest, kindest bloke I've ever met (after Saint Mike of course).  He's having a baby soon and that baby is surely blessed to be scoring him as it's daddy!

What I love about these shots is that Tim captured the essence of us as a family.  It's a special thing and I love that we will be able to look back on these shots in the future and feel immersed in the time and place all over again :)

As you can see, we didn't get all gussied up for our shoot....I wanted it to be au naturale.  On reflection, that was possibly a strategic error on my part as I at least would have liked to have not looked so bulgy and post-exercisy!!  Everyone else looks fantastic but me.............hmmmmnnnn voice in the head has been having a field day.

Don't despair dear readers (and don't feel the need to say nice things about me!!!) as I've told 'the voice' to rack off as I look HAPPY and content and that is way more important than looking like a Stepford wife :))

I pondered getting Tim to shoot our family for months....I'm so glad I contacted him.  A stroke of brilliance for sure!!!

North Sydney pool was the location, it's been an important thread in the fabric of our family life since Oldest KAT was 18mths old...all our KAT's have learnt to swim in the shadow of the Harbour Bridge.  It is a place of history, character and ambience and our Saturday mornings there have been a constant during good times and bad over the last ten years.  A perfect place to capture the KATs!!

New years eve non-event...no matter!

Welcome to 2012.

I'll start with the obligatory "happy new year"!!

If you're reading this with the remains of a hangover good for you!

It would not take much to have welcomed in 2012 with more fanfare than us.  I'd like to say that it's having children that makes us boring on New Years Eve but that would be a dead-set lie...we were boring on NY Eve way before kids came along!!!

This one takes the cake though.  We had a 'hodpodge' dinner of left over snags in bread and potato salad which left me feeling decidedly uninspired and then went for a walk/scooter up to a local highpoint to watch the fireworks down at Manly. 

For a few minutes I thought we were truly the most desperately boring family as it was ONLY us taking up position at 8:45pm but by 9pm there was about another half a dozen families who'd also thought this spot may have a decent view. 

There's something a bit underwhelming about fireworks off in the distance with no musical accompaniment or crowd noise.  The girls were a bit ho-hum about it and so were the adults.  We all cleared out within minutes and headed home in the dark.

Once the KATs were put to bed, we sat and watched the selection of crap TV that was on offer.

I managed to stay up til midnight and see the bridge/harbour display (which was fantastic I thought) and then went to bed.  No alcohol had been consumed since a midori and lemon squash before dinner.  Bleak!!!!

The thing is though, I don't really care!  I feel fairly relaxed and we have been spending our days doing quite a lot of incidental exercise and hanging out at the local swimming pool with the KATs. 

Sydney weather has finally managed to pull itself together and we're all enjoying some warmth.  I've even managed to get sunburnt (much to SM's annoyance).

I haven't contemplated any NY resolutions as it's just Business As Usual in the "personal inventory" department for me - keep exercising, remember to be 'more than I think I can be' which means jogging to the pool instead of walking (and feeling great about my fitness) and not beating myself up about enjoying festive indulgences.

It's all good and I feel great.  Hope you do too :)

Image from here - gee that Marc Newson is a talented bloke!!

Swim Little Fish Swim

A great day for our middle KAT and favourite little 'fish'....she made it through her 1st Reconciliation, kept her butterflies in check and we celebrated with a fantastic family dinner.

Keep on swimming up to the surface little fish...I love to see your beautiful colors shimmering :)

Inquiring Minds Want to know

At the request of my younger sister I'm posting a current shot of me to prove that I indeed the incredible shrinking woman (or at least my boobs are!!!!)

As of last Friday I'd lost 11.6kgs

Mid way through Week 7 with two and a bit weeks to go the situation can be summarised as follows:

• I'm buggered!
• I've gone through 2 packs of disposable happy pants having realized that morning walks and my bowels are never going to get along :)
• I'm sick of the monotony of my daily regime of protein shakes, plain chicken, plain lean beef and NO fruit/nuts/potatoes for this last 3 weeks
• I've graduated from 90 min of 'moderate walking' per day with 15 min of 'hard cardio' to 60 min of walking plus 30 minutes of 'hard cardio'....which for me is the "Cliff Young Shuffle" (for those of you NOT Victorian and as old as me he was a geriatric long-distance runner in the 1980's that shuffled rather that jogged....but he got there in the end!)
• I take so many pills at night that the KATs think it's fun to feed them to me...so many colours mum!!!  Don't worry they're all safe...there's just quite a few of them!
• Mark my trainer told me on Monday that's it's all 'mental' from here on in...yes I thought, in one sense it definitely is bloody mental...don't think that's what he meant sadly!!!
• I'm still on top of the leader board...planning on staying there if it kills me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Have I mentioned I'm buggered?????????????????????

The next few weeks are going to be dire, I can feel it already - throat sore today and feel like I just want to go and have a very long nap!  I will keep going though as "Project L" as SM calls it has been well worth it so far...I like the competitive, goal-oriented, STRONG person that I am becoming :)

Blogmiration

Having been travelling down the Blog road for 18 months now, I am continually amazed and inspired by so many of you.

Each blog I read, from the most humble 'just keeping a diary for the kids to read one day' to the ones that are Nuffnang 'manna from heaven' (and all the ones in between) are so special.

When anthropologists look back at things in another 50 years, the uptake of blogging by women will surely have to rate it's own chapter...if not a book!!

Yesterday I was at the doctors and a mum was there asking the two receptionists if they could sign a form for her (she needed two signatures)....she commented that with 2 kids under three she could go days without meeting two people at once!  I'm sure that was tongue in cheek (or I think it was). 

Whilst logging onto a blog won't help her with her signatures, how nice is it to think that you can still 'connect' with people when otherwise you would be quite isolated :)

I enjoy reading about the challenges, the triumphs, the trivialities and all the other 'stuff' that you post.  It's a privilege to be a part of your world...even if only your blogworld!

I know I'm just regurgitating all the stuff that's been said before on the value and enjoyment of blogging but hey, it's my blog...I can regurgitate if I feel like it:)

I was going to list some that inspire me at the moment but the truth is that singling them out would be too difficult!!  Suffice to say that staying up to date with my blogs is an important and savoured part of my day.





 

The singular virtue of perspective

Over the last couple of years, my favourite mantra has been "realistic expectations"...I haven't always succeeded in having them, but as they say - anything worth pursuing is worth waiting for!  Fortunately, I've managed to make some significant inroads and now succeed more times than I fail in this department.

With 2011 now almost half over (far out brussel sprout), I've realised that I've adopted a new mantra, "have some perspective".  As I can be guilty of a fair amount of navel gazing, or in the slightly less subtle language of SM - "you just need to get your head out of your own arse"(thank you darling husband!!!!) this concept really, really resonates with me.
This singular virtue of perspective is that it doesn't mean that my problems aren't 'real' or that I have a legitimate reason to be upset/distressed/frustrated or in fact sometimes verging on the hysterical about them (okay perhaps that last one is a slight overreaction), it just means that when considered in light of how my 'problems' fit into the broader issues of our community/city/country/world I don't have much to be upset about!!

This observation has also helped me to get a better handle on the people that I come into contact with and whether they are really my sorts of peeps.  In the circles I have found myself in through my (and I totally own it) choice of school location, there are an abundance of mums (sorry not picking on them just they are the parent I'm usually dealing with) that don't seem to have "a life" outside of their insular little enclaves/schools/gyms/cafes.  I've now realized after years of wanting them to want to be my friend that they  are not the types that I should be focusing on being "friends" with anyway...in any sense!!  I know, you're now shaking your head and making the daaah noise, I'm a bit slow on the uptake sometimes!!!!!

Anyway, moving on....keeping things in perspective is a way to help me not sweat the small stuff and be grateful for the joy and happiness in my life....and there is a LOT of that!

Love to know if you have a mantra and if so does it help you?

Image from here