The weekend of not overthinking things has been and gone.
I am a serial 'overthinker'. I anguish, I obsess, I dwell.
This ability to use of copious amounts of perfectly good brain cells obsessing over whether I can do X (insert any number of activities that induce my imposter syndrome/fear of failure) is exhausting. It drains me and I know it drive everyone around me NUTS (particularly Saint Mike).
I mentioned in January that I had a couple of major sporting challenges coming up - the SunRun (6.5km course from DeeWhy to Manly) and the Cole Classic Ocean Swim (1KM entrant).
Despite all my bravado in posts and in real life, as last week rolled around my fear of failure was in full flight. I spent the entire week stressing and losing sleep over the 'what-ifs'....
What if I came last
What if I had an 'accident'
What if people thought I was too slow
What if I couldn't finish
What if I disappointed my trainer
I had fleeting thoughts of not showing up.
I had actual mental images of getting dropped off by my support crew (SM and the KATs) and then just catching a bus down to Manly and pretending that I'd done it.
Fortunately, my trainer is actually interested in what's going on in my head and I am able to be honest with him about how I'm feeling. He reminded me of how fit I was and how ready I was for this FUN run! He also told me in no uncertain terms that I was overthinking things!!!!
He was right! I was overthinking things....so I gave myself permission to STOP overthinking things and decided to just enjoy it.....and guess what?
I had a great time.
I didn't come last (not that it would have mattered)
I didn't have an accident
Lots of people passed me and it didn't bother me in the slightest!
My trainer and all the other trainers were incredibly supportive and positive about my achievement....
Did I say I had a great time?
I had an AWESOME time. I felt invigorated. I felt strong. I was proud of myself and I was relaxed :)
My support crew were there to cheer me through the finish line and the next day they were there again when I swam in the 1K Cole Classic and did my best time in three attempts....unsurprising really as I'm heaps lighter and heaps fitter than the two other times I've attempted it.
Truth be told I could have done the 2km but having had the SunRun on the Saturday I decided to be kind to myself and just swim in the 1K for the pleasure of it! There's always next year to do the 2K and smash my best time :)
I'm going to try and keep NOT overthinking things....this morning I got up for my walk/jog and just went out and did it....last week I hid under the covers!!!
I'm actually sorry this weekend had to end...it was a pearler!!