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I have a problem asking for help. In fact even if I could ask for help, I have an equally hard time accepting it when it's offered.
There. I've said it.
One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand..............................
No. Still don't feel any better.
I think it boils down to not feeling worthy of help.
Deep, deep, deep shit....best not to turn over that moss-covered rock today:)
Suffice to say the last few weeks have been one endless opportunity to reject kindly offered helping hands.
Unless they've physically shown up at the door unannounced and therefore impossible to rebuff I have managed to do my level best to reject any and all offers of help that have been forthcoming.
Instead of saying "YES, it would be really great if you could .....(fill in the blank)" my knee-jerk reaction is to say "Oh no, it's okay, I'm fine". Truth be told I've been miserably struggling on, driving one-handed and running myself even further into the ground.
As my mother has pointed out, I'd be the first one offering help to someone in my situation but I'm loathe to accept it in return.
So frustrating and I'm sure annoying for everyone else...just goes to prove to people at school that I'm a prickly pain in the neck and best given a wide berth:)
As I insisted on pushing my own trolley one-handed through the shopping center today as my mother trailed after me muttering something about this being something she could do, I felt a not uncommon urge to kick myself in my own arse!
She has been up here for just over a week supposedly to help but unfortunately has been under the weather herself so it's only in the last day or so that she's actually been healthy enough to lend a hand. She spent quite a few days in bed coughing up a lung so looking after me wasn't really going to happen.
Today, in an effort to "let go" I literally did exactly that. I stopped and let her push my trolley for me. The fact that we were almost back to the car isn't important! I still did it!!
Something else for me to work on I suppose. Something else for Saint Mike to toss in that overloaded basket of psychological dirty laundry that I am blessed with!!
I know I'm not alone in this particular ailment...come on, fess up:)