Tuesday, August 7, 2012

asking for and accepting help

image from here

I have a problem asking for help.  In fact even if I could ask for help, I have an equally hard time accepting it when it's offered.

There.  I've said it.

One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand..............................

No.  Still don't feel any better.

I think it boils down to not feeling worthy of help. 

Deep, deep, deep shit....best not to turn over that moss-covered rock today:)

Suffice to say the last few weeks have been one endless opportunity to reject kindly offered helping hands.

Unless they've physically shown up at the door unannounced and therefore impossible to rebuff I have managed to do my level best to reject any and all offers of help that have been forthcoming.

Instead of saying "YES, it would be really great if you could .....(fill in the blank)" my knee-jerk reaction is to say "Oh no, it's okay, I'm fine".  Truth be told I've been miserably struggling on, driving one-handed and running myself even further into the ground.

As my mother has pointed out, I'd be the first one offering help to someone in my situation but I'm loathe to accept it in return.

So frustrating and I'm sure annoying for everyone else...just goes to prove to people at school that I'm a prickly pain in the neck and best given a wide berth:)

As I insisted on pushing my own trolley one-handed through the shopping center today as my mother trailed after me muttering something about this being something she could do, I felt a not uncommon urge to kick myself in my own arse! 

She has been up here for just over a week supposedly to help but unfortunately has been under the weather herself so it's only in the last day or so that she's actually been healthy enough to lend a hand.  She spent quite a few days in bed coughing up a lung so looking after me wasn't really going to happen.

Today, in an effort to "let go" I literally did exactly that.  I stopped and let her push my trolley for me.  The fact that we were almost back to the car isn't important!  I still did it!!

Something else for me to work on I suppose.  Something else for Saint Mike to toss in that overloaded basket of psychological dirty laundry that I am blessed with!!


I know I'm not alone in this particular ailment...come on, fess up:)

5 comments:

  1. I think most of us struggle with this. It really is better to be the one offering help than the one needing it, especially when you're in pain. If you are able to say yes to a few people they are more likely to say yes to you one day.

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  2. I struggle asking. I hate people making a fuss about me, being in their conversations or taking up their time. You're not alone xo

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  3. Man this is why i don't comment often- stupid computer doesn't upload my comment.
    Anywhoo--Its a common internal struggle to want some help but still want to do it yourself. I think thats amplified when you have an injury that causes pain with every little task. sooooo frustrating.
    crappy timing but i am glad your mum was with you guys while unwell and that she is feeling better. I agree with Tonia, people will offer to help if they want to - I suggest gritting your teeth, saying yes to the help offered and you may just find it is just that. Helpful!!
    xoxo

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  4. I used to struggle and then I realised that I was one of the ones showing up at the door with a casserole because I WANTED to help others and they wouldn't let me.

    Now I ask and I know it's appreciated and it has strengthened so many wonderful friendships for me. I actually have tears in my eyes as I write that.

    Helping gives us all strength. It's the glue that bonds us to each other.

    Please ask. Go on.

    x

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  5. I hear you loud and clear! ME TOOOO!

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