Monday, September 2, 2013

Spending time wisely

Four sleeps to go until my first chemo cycle commences. I will be enduring four "cycles" each of three weeks duration. 
I posted the following on the Facebook page my sister set up to allow friends to track my progress....
"Combo of drugs is Docetaxel + Cyclophosphamide (or TC for short). Will then be on Hormone Therapy at conclusion which will last 5-10 yrs"
I can talk about the drugs and the duration with an alarming calmness.  On the surface I've pragmatic and stoic.  Underneath I feel I'm doing a great impression of the scene in the Wizard of Oz where the Wicked Witch melts into a puddle............................aaaaaaaagggghhhhh my inner voice is screaming....I'm meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelting!!!!
Last Monday was one of my worst days.  I seemed to cry all day.  I cried on the phone to my beautiful mother-in-law in Canada.  I cried on the phone to the breast care nurse. I cried to my kind and caring neighbour.  Worst of all I cried in the arms of my children.  Heaving sobs of despair and sorrow that this insidious disease is taking our family off on a tangent that we didn't anticipate.

Tuesday morning I drove the girls to school with the sun shining brilliantly and I decided that if I was going to get through the next week and a half before chemo commenced I needed to stay busy - find things to keep my mind and body occupied so I had less chance to dwell on the road ahead.
So I've got busy in the garden and I've got busy DIY'ing!!  Hence these random photos that on the surface have nothing to do with breast cancer!
I've repainted our back patio.  I have been quietly frustrated that since our renovation last year the disparity between our lovely front porch and our daggy rear patio was even more pronounced.  So, having removed all the patio furniture and other assorted crapola I gave it a good clean and then got working on repainting it.  A good deal of sweat and fatigued muscles and it was completed in time for us to celebrate Fathers' Day out there!
Project number two was a revamp of the small area adjacent to the patio...imagine broken concrete and messy dirt!  A trip to Bunnings, an order of pavers, sand and other "ingredients" and by yesterday I was admiring my handiwork - a neat paved area that is now crying out for some pot plants!!  
Finally, I have a work in progress with our front garden beds which are planted with hardy species which I'm now hearing is being referred to as "Palm Springs" style (oooh sounds good doesn't it!).  There was a couple of spots that needed a bit of filling in and I've now achieved this courtesy of a couple of Strelizia's (Bird of Paradise plants).  They will grow to about 1.5m tall and possibly as wide and will give some gorgeous colour when they flower.   
Timely then that today when all my "jobs" were completed I had time to ponder the months ahead and have relapsed slightly into floods of tears territory.  Nothing to do now but occupy myself with getting the house in order between now and Friday and allow myself to have a good cry if I feel like it!


  1. A good cry sounds very healthy to me. It's horrible waiting for something unpleasant to happen.

    Thinking of you xx

  2. Oh Libby, what a rollercoaster you're on. I am so impressed at how you're handling it. You are in my prayers. J x


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