SM arrived back Sunday morning.
I was so relieved to see him that I embarrassed myself and got all teary when he came out through Customs and we got our hands on him.
The KATs were soooo excited that they insisted on buying helium balloons to give to him...the lady in the shop felt so sorry for me spending so much money on the stupid things she gave me a free bunch of roses!!
Anyway, back to the bawling...yes, after the girls excitedly gave him a big cuddle I got a big bear hug and lost the plot...standing there sniffling and telling him how much I missed him! For the record that has NEVER happened before! I'm putting it down to being carb-deprived :)
He's naturally struggling with jet lag. It really sucks having to cross so many time zones...nothing compares with the bone-weariness that you feel when you travel for 23hrs straight!!!
I on the other hand are struggling with letting go of being BOTH parents and switching back to my 'natural' predisposition of 'Good Cop'.
It's illuminating when your partner comes home (Posie I'd be interested in your view here) that you have to adjust your parenting to accomodate the need to have both of your onboard with decision making and the like.
It had only taken a couple of weeks for me to get used to making decisions without consulting him with respect to our daily activities...and the minute he got back it was an immediate about face....I have to take into consideration what he thinks!!!!
Interestingly it has also highlighted the fact that as far as the girls are concerned, daddy isn't as much of a funster as mummy is (ha ha). Mum is spontaneous, mum is willing to do crazy stuff....dad on the other hand (jet lag or no jet lag) is a little more staid!
I can definitely be the 'bad cop' when I want to be...my neighbors can all attest to my ability to read the riot act...but I've realized that my preferred modus operandi is to be the 'good cop'...to chill out and go with the flow.
Unfortunately as we all know, being a parent involves switching between the two on a regular basis...so I shall suck it up and ensure that I don't let my good cop tendencies get too comfy!! It is nice though to have SM back home to pick up the slack in the bad cop department.
How do you manage the good cop/bad cop switcheroo in your household??
image from here
Posts
First of all, i'm having issues with comments, again, different issues, so hold my breath this works!!
ReplyDeleteOk, parenting styles all differ between families & children, the dynamics are almost impossible to master from your situation to the next parent. Consistency is the key, boundaries, so they know their limits/ your limits & expectations. Since my 4 were little, i always told them exactly what behaviour i expected from them, worked out their currency & mastered drawing good behaviour from them. It's a full time job & a lot of mental calculations - which child is up to what.
So my husband is away, an average of 9 months of the year, not earning big bucks, but at war, so i have to worry about him too, oh & keep check on myself. It's been this way for 12 years. Poof, anyway, don't feel sorry for me, we chose this life, this many children & i chose to be a great mum too.
When my husband walks off the plane, often with a rifle still slung across his body, so the hugs are a bit "mind the gun children". I let them hug him first, well, they seem to charm customs officials when they break across the line, more than adult me. Anyway, while he adjusts into daddy mode (with a month or two of leave) i gladly let him be the fun parent, i continue on as a full time housewife & happily share the duties of discipline. We're very fluid in this, i'm not a control freak & never EVER try to tell him how to parent (he's such a natural at it) we just gel instantly when he's back. Anyway, they behave better when he's around anyway. I won't say it's exhausting parenting solo for up to 11 months some years, right now i won't see my husband for 6 months & i'm dealing with a teenager now, but we constantly talk, adjust how we parent, consistency & telling them our expectations is the key.
As for jet lag, yes, daddy needs a nap, in the middle of the house/ lounge, he can sleep with children jumping on top of him, it's when we try to sneak around that it's dangerous & he flinches.
What else, is this any help?? Let's just say i parent solo 90% of the time but am VERY happy to share when he comes home. We truly support each other & when he's around we're kind of in fantasy land anyway, it's just so much more fun. Good luck, love Posie
Um, that was meant to read "i won't say it's NOT exhausting parenting solo" i'm no superhero. Love Posie
ReplyDeleteThanks Posie, you are definitely one of my blog heroines...your kids are very lucky to have such a super mum :)
ReplyDelete