Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Now Panic & Freak Out
I'm going to see a personal trainer this afternoon and it's all my sisters fault (she knows who she is!).
I should be somewhat excited about commencing a 'get fit' campaign. Instead I'm terrified and panicking like I'm being asked to stand in for one of Beyonce's back up dancers (you can see I'm struggling with things today - I can't even think up a decent comparison...hang on I know there's a word for it I just can't think of it...simile, metaphor, oh bugger it!!)
I'm having an anxiety attack about having to front up to some guy who I'm paying to get my butt into gear...and the sad thing is that I know he won't give a toss about me so it's not like I'm worried about what he's thinking (I have progressed in my use of cognitive behavior therapy!!!)
No, my anxiety attack is because in getting my butt into gear I'm going to have to give up my security blanket...my comfort eating...the thing that never lets me down...the thing that makes me FEEL good even if it's making me look like SHIT!!!!
I know I need to do this, but I've needed to do it for the last four years and haven't been able to stick with ANY sort of good health/good eating plan...failure is my middle name even though I've tried to disown it multiple times!!
In recent months I have been making an effort to be the boss of my own mind and wrote down some negative thoughts and the associated CBT thinking to try to get out from under this huge weight of unhelpful thinking that is holding me back. I'm looking at them now...I was going to post them here but I've changed my mind (a bit too many of it is very personal, sorry folks!).
Okay. I'm going to show up at this appointment and I'm going to commit to making the changes to get some results. I will keep you posted!
PS If you're driving down the road and see a woman in exercise gear running down the footpath screaming and waving her arms in terror that's probably me...only joking :)